Post 10.10.10 - The "Mid-Term Mania"

I spent all day in Leavy library and at this moment I am still here. It's almost 1am, over 12 hours here, and I don't feel like going home. I feel comfortable here; I am feeling good, relaxed and a little crazy too...This seems home, more than my bedroom. This is my life now and my new insane craze ;-)

I researched a little (Actually I did more than little but I am humble lol) I am still trying my best to work on my research paper, and it is just beautiful to continue to look up for articles, get frustrated when one article doesn't open up and I am confused but still continue to look for the same article or journal for hours, and then I finally when it open up...it’s not even worth more than few lines or so hee hee...it’s part of my process, my process of being a Graduate Program student. And I love each minute of it.

Today morning, I woke up with a mild headache which I assumed is going to go away but it stayed and stayed, and refused to leave my mind, body and soul even after two advils, food and a lot of water. It annoyed me and disturbed my work and my goal for the day. I started to judge myself when I didn't see myself as productive as I wanted myself to be. I took two more advils, and then I couldn't stop myself from crying. I was way too overwhelmed with emotional judgment of self and pressure of doing well in my own eyes. Finally, I put my head down on my table, and tears started to shred. My friend who was sitting next to me asked if I was okay and suddenly I realized, I am not alone, I am not getting behind and I can do it...I can get through this - it’s just mid-term, not the end of school or end of life.

I think emotions settled down a bit after wards, and sinus opened up after I cried. I felt better and started to do some work. It was a good work day. I still feel it was not that productive, but I know somewhere inside my heard that it was a productive day, it was day worth sitting in the library and giving hours researching for the passion I have started to live and enjoy. I don't need to judge myself; I don't need to push me, and I just need to keep going, on and on and on and on. Slow and steady win the race. Anyways, I am not in rat race; I am in race with myself.


Trojan

P.S. The passion I mentioned here is not just my School, but the topic I am working on. I will write about it later on...slowly and steadily!