Another Remarkable Step in the Trojan Journey..

Friday, November, 12, 2010, I attended my CALSWEC seminar followed up by my seminar class...I was in much better mood but still had furious and rage feelings floating inside me. My seminar class ended early and as usual I started checking my iPhone. Noticed an email from my Practice professor. SHe had sent graded midterm paper back. I scrolled down to the bottom of my paper, looked at the grade and a smile came over my face...it was an A...yay!!!

I worked hard on that paper, though may be not that hard as much I needed to but I did. I got B+ due to my grammar glitches in my first paper and I worked on my grammar a lot for midterm paper. And in the class my teacher stated that I did much better than last time and she also told me that no one got an A+ so I should be happy lol.

I was so relaxed, at least 2 A+ and one B+, I should be okay with my finals I assume but I need to work double the hardship than midterms because I want to stay on top of my papers, and I know I can do it...phew! Thank you god for letting me enjoy these grades and for letting me work hard.

Trojan

At Times Justice Needs To Wait...!

Thursday, November 11, 2010, I went to see a doctor at the school for my ongoing stupid stomach issues...I don't think it is some big issue but since I have a health insurance, I thought I can check with doctor for free and I did but the blood tests went free, ah! Doctor informed me that I might have thyroid because my mom has it or maybe I need to control my diet and eat more "healthy food" or maybe I need to work out on regular basis…oh well!!! I was told to take expensive blood test which I did and two days later I got an email from doctor stating nothing is wrong with my body; I just need 20 minutes walk and a lot of fiber…Duh!! Wasted my money lol

Okay, fine the fun part aside, I am getting into serious topic now. I wrote about the dilemma I was facing couple of days ago, so I went to see my other professor, no not the HB professor who had put me into this dilemma. My other professor, who is my academic advisor as well suggested that I should email my HB professor and try to speak with him and I should get things sorted out and if my HB professor doesn’t respond to me properly or refuses to give explanation for cutting my so many points, then my other professor will step in to advocate on my behalf. I truly believe that it could have worked but it might still hurt my final grades, and my grades for my quiz, which is within a week.

After giving a deep thought and after paying close attention to my NEEDS to pass this class with good grades, I planned to let go. Though I am all about social justice, but here my rights weren’t denied, I chose to step back because I am afraid I might lose my status of A grades in the class or I might get more hurt emotionally, and I can’t afford to do that to myself. I have finals coming up and I need to move on.

I am still going to write an email or a letter as anonymous or maybe with my name to the dean and will cc it to student affairs and present the issues BUT after the final results are posted online and when it is public. I will not take same professor’s class, and will continue to work towards my goals.

Life is what happens to all of us on daily basis not what is gone by!

Trojan

:-/

The Beginning of a Dilemma...

The morning of November 9, 2010 I got my policy paper back with an A grade, and I was so excited. At 4pm I went to my Human Behavior class. I had finished my HB paper on time, which was the October 24 at midnight. I think I did outstanding job in the HB paper. I believe I will get good grades. Anyways, with these thoughts I went to the class, and got my graded paper. I noticed I got 88 which is B+...WTF???? How come 88? What did I do so wrong that I lost 12 points, no way, must be some mistake!!!

I looked at my answers tried to match them with the given grades and didn’t find any HUGE mistake, not worth losing 12 points. Well, it didn’t make any sense. I still kept cool and kept trying to find my mistakes worth 12 points. Suddenly a classmate pointed out that professor has crossed page 11 and have taken 5 points out. We all asked professor and he told that we were supposed to finish the whole paper in 11 pages and whoever wrote extra page, he took their points out. When we informed him that the extra page is not page 12, it is page 12 with the cover page...and without the cover page we were in the given page limit of 11 pages. He apologized and promised to give everyone's points back. I felt relief because I will get 5 points back which means 93 points and it is an A+. Phew!

After giving points back to everyone, he came to me and wrote my points back on my paper. I was glad to be in A+ with 93. I said thank you to professor and asked him why did he took 7 points out from my one of the questions, he went back to my paper and opened the question where he had taken 7 points out, and marked 12 points instead of 7. I was confused and looked at him with questions in my eyes. He looked at me as if nothing has happened and said, you don't deserve 93, so I took your points out. This means I was back to 88, which is B+. What just happened? What is going on? I was lost and confused. I asked him the reason for taking my recently given points back and he said I don't deserve these points because he was already very generous but he doesn't need to be generous anymore...I was like what the hell!!!!

I tried to speak with him but he refused. I even told him to give me only 2 or 3 points which will put me in to A, and I will be okay with an A instead of an A+ which I DO deserve, but he didn’t listen and walked away. I was standing by my seat, lost, confused and frustrated…I still didn’t understand what had happened and how it all happened. Anyone who knows me could have looked at me and figure out that something was wrong with me…Yes, something was wrong with me, I was mad, I was furious, I was frustrated and I was lost with the happenings happening around me...I tried to speak with my professor again, but he said I am not behaving “appropriately” and I didn’t get that part in him either. He just told me that I didn’t deserve the grades I deserved and now I wasn’t being appropriate? WHAT THE HECK!!!

With rage and anger, I sat still in the class so he doesn’t take any notice of me, so he do not cut any more points from my paper, so I don’t fail the class. Of course he is THE PROFESSOR, and he has the power…He surely did and he showed it off very well in front of everyone in the class, but so quietly that no one notices it. I am not sure how I finished the rest of the class but I still finished until the end and finished as if I wasn’t there... :-(.

I was lost, confused and frustrated, and wanted to cry out loud; I wanted to scream that it is unfair...I tried to think of everything which could have make me lose my points but I couldn’t find any reason. I knew I didn’t do the paper this awful not this terrible that I get B+ and on top of that my professor said I don’t deserve the A...NO F***ING WAY!!! After paying so close attention to the reasons, I could think of just one and only thing and that made me feel lower than what I was feeling. Oh so sad…I believe my professor didn’t want me to get an A grade. He purposely chose to give me 88 points and not 90 or above, and when I got 93 after we pointed out his mistake, then he took those 5 points again so I don’t reach to 93 which is an A+... Oh My God, so he was trying to be unfair to me? Or was he mad at me because I always speak blunt in the class without sugar coating anything. Or was he being discriminative? Or what??? What? I don't know what...

I was ready to go to the Dean and put my issue out and fight for justice...I was angry to the extend but I didn’t go to the dean, because I knew who has the power here and I knew finals are in two weeks...I called my friends, told my roommate and tried to calm myself down that night but it was a hard night and I couldn’t sleep well...I couldn’t, not even after I had alcohol…I didn’t sleep. I wrote an email to the professor who I thought would understand me and asked him if I can meet with him to discuss something related to academic…and I did meet my professor two days later…Will write that later!

The practical sad truth is that I am studying social work because I believe in social justice, and I want to fight for the rights of others as well as my rights in this country and this world...but what I am supposed to do when I am treated unfairly in the school of Social Work? And when I am not given the response for my question of not given equal rights? I don’t want to sit quietly but I am concerned for my success in the school…The dilemma started…and guess never ended, nope not until now!!!

More later!
Trojan

Another A, yay !!!

November 16, 2010.

Today I got my policy paper back with grades. This is the first of midterms bunch. As much as I remember this was the paper which I started weeks before it was due and then didn't work on it for weeks. I ended and submitted this paper 10 minutes before its deadline. I wasn't sure if I did good or not, I was way too much overwhelmed. I lost myself on my way to finish this paper. I went to my teacher a week after I submitted the paper and told her that I lost my head and heart while writing the paper so apologies if I didnt do any good... And I left the results to my god.

Today, when I went to the class I got graded paper. With anxiousness and low expectations I opened the paper and saw the grades - A...OMG! Is it true? Thank you lord, thank you professor...Then I opened the paper and saw all the details and comments my professor had written. Oh, it makes sense...she did grade well. She evaluated me well on few things and few she told me to improve, phew! Thank lord, I was still in "A" I feel better...

I hope now I get rest of the papers back too and with A grades...yay!

:-)))))
Trojan