Stressed Depression

Yeah, I also didn't know that a term such as 'stressed depression' exist. I know it now. Oh, not just know it but also living it...not too bad situation though. It is better than when I was severely depressed and sad 24X7. I am much better now, ah...actually there is hardly any comparison.

I am going through Mid-Term mania as I previously mentioned too...and this stress of finishing papers on time and doing everything 'the perfect way' has put me into depressive mode. I sleep more than usual in my depressive mode, and in my stressful mode, I can't even count hours when I sleep...so one can easily imagine I am sleeping more than I write my papers...ah!

Okay, I gotta go back to papers. This silly {=P} blog cant hold me back anymore hee hee

Trojan


P.S. BTW this post is NOT proofread lol

Some early morning pictures while I waited for my tram to drop me off after the longest night at the library. Surely these are not the ideal pictures for my photo skills :-)


The road less traveled at 6am :-)

Leavy Library from School of Social Work

Can you read it? Has to be Sean, he is the fun and crazy one :-)

Social workers use whatever it takes to raise funds to provide better services, look at this idea of fund raiser where some caucus sold nachos and the publicity on the entrance of School of Social work... :-)

And this is School of Social Work at 6am, no crowd, no action but pretty content!

Trojan

Longest Night In The Library...

So, I spent my longest night in the library, and now my body is kinda giving up but my mind says, finish the paper before you sleep. The paper is 7 pages and I am just starting page 3...ah! I did wrapped up another paper but that I didn't start from scratch!

Here is the picture of the library which was filled with tons of under Grad kids and few were crazy Gad students like moi. Now at 5.30am the library is pretty empty, and few kids have just passed out on their computers. I love being a student.





Trojan.

another day, another moment...another memory!

So I decided to sleep early yesterday so I could wake up early and study before I go to my internship, but....oh yeah there are many BUTs in Grad school.

I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't resist checking my iPhone. Noticed my professor has finally sent my graded assignment after almost four weeks. Excited moi, checked the assignment and the comments followed up by grades...and I got B+ WTF? I did whatever I could do to get the perfect grade. I worked seriously hard, I didnt sleep for two days and finished paper on time and followed up with every possible detail, and I got what B+? Seriously? Ah!!!

Then I read comments again and again, over and over again, My professor was right. I have serious issues proof reading my papers and it showed in the paper.

Here is what teacher wrote:

"You have demonstrated a good understanding of you own requirements within a clinical relationship. You have identified important issues in developing an effective engagement with your hypothetical client. Good information and a solid discussion. You must proof read and/or get someone to proof read with you (use the writing lab that is open to you) to assist in sharpening your projects. I would have liked to see citations that support your ideas, hypotheses and conclusions."

Do I need to say anything more? I am sure you know where I am going tomorrow? At the writing lab of course, duh!

And yeah I never woke up to study and almost got late to get to my internship cos I chose to sleep until late, I mean until too late. And yeah, I also got my second parking ticket because I slept too much and now I have a price to pay for sleeping late and its JUST $65.00.

Trojan

P.S. Library is my second home and I am happy cos I never have to clean it and I can stay as long as I want =P

Ethical Duty As A Social Worker!

I have been wondering for days, much before I started school, that as a Social Worker what should be my ethical duty when it comes to understanding clients' perspective. Where as a Social Worker I stand when I know client probably is not very happy in the way he/she is getting served. I want to know and understand my client's point of view on their situation, their point of view on what services they should get and how they should get treated. Ethically how much can I ask, how much I can take clients perspective, how much should I know the facts about client from client…how much…oh there are many questions and less answers.

Last week when I met with one of my clients, parents of two children who were detained by the county, I noticed the vulnerable feelings and insecurity on both of their face. These feelings made me sad, I wanted to ask them what do they want, how do they want to get treated, and what help they require but it was not my position or authority because I was shadowing someone else and they were not my direct client. Clients had another social worker, and worse situation clients spoke Spanish, which I don’t even understand more than few words. Ah!

More about it in next post...thought out, I am almost off to my class! See ya!

Trojan

Post 10.10.10 - The "Mid-Term Mania"

I spent all day in Leavy library and at this moment I am still here. It's almost 1am, over 12 hours here, and I don't feel like going home. I feel comfortable here; I am feeling good, relaxed and a little crazy too...This seems home, more than my bedroom. This is my life now and my new insane craze ;-)

I researched a little (Actually I did more than little but I am humble lol) I am still trying my best to work on my research paper, and it is just beautiful to continue to look up for articles, get frustrated when one article doesn't open up and I am confused but still continue to look for the same article or journal for hours, and then I finally when it open up...it’s not even worth more than few lines or so hee hee...it’s part of my process, my process of being a Graduate Program student. And I love each minute of it.

Today morning, I woke up with a mild headache which I assumed is going to go away but it stayed and stayed, and refused to leave my mind, body and soul even after two advils, food and a lot of water. It annoyed me and disturbed my work and my goal for the day. I started to judge myself when I didn't see myself as productive as I wanted myself to be. I took two more advils, and then I couldn't stop myself from crying. I was way too overwhelmed with emotional judgment of self and pressure of doing well in my own eyes. Finally, I put my head down on my table, and tears started to shred. My friend who was sitting next to me asked if I was okay and suddenly I realized, I am not alone, I am not getting behind and I can do it...I can get through this - it’s just mid-term, not the end of school or end of life.

I think emotions settled down a bit after wards, and sinus opened up after I cried. I felt better and started to do some work. It was a good work day. I still feel it was not that productive, but I know somewhere inside my heard that it was a productive day, it was day worth sitting in the library and giving hours researching for the passion I have started to live and enjoy. I don't need to judge myself; I don't need to push me, and I just need to keep going, on and on and on and on. Slow and steady win the race. Anyways, I am not in rat race; I am in race with myself.


Trojan

P.S. The passion I mentioned here is not just my School, but the topic I am working on. I will write about it later on...slowly and steadily!

Making of CALSWEC day!

I started writing this post some days ago, and hopefully will finish it today, 10.10.10 ;-)

Today I went to CALSWEC representative's meeting. It was a very good meeting and insight of what we will be doing at the 'CALSWEC Day" in April. It was also great to meet CALSWEC representatives from different schools. I was a representative for USC, and it’s good to be part of the team.

So I went there and what? Dang...this is what happens to me when I try to write true feeling days after its gone!

Okay, just for the documentation, we had our ice breaker as any other meeting of sort, followed up by discussing main theme for the CALSWEC day. We finally chose a theme...phew thank lord! It was a little struggle when we saw a hidden heated discussion in front of everyone between two co-chairs, it was weird but I guess not too crazy bad lol

Lunch was typical brown bag lunch and we were back to the discussions. Broke up again to groups based on committees who will serve for the CALSWEC day. I, obviously, joined the media committee. We discussed ideas of logo for CALSWEC day and I gave my input. The person who was leading the group seemed to be a little ignorant or so, so I kept me to myself...who would like to get put down over and over after all on behalf of her thoughts and ideas, right?

Anyways, the best part of the whole meeting was meeting with two fellow Indians; both of course were Gujarati lol. The guy who was from LA was Patel, and girl from Berkley. She wasn't Patel or shah though hee hee... No, I am not putting anyone down but it’s just is fun to see the stereotypes, and let me write this too that stereotype is always not negative, isn't it?

Meeting ended on time, strangely, but it did. Next meeting is in February and I am looking forward to it because it is in Sacramento and I have never been there. It will be a nice chance to go visit new city of California.

I went back home, rested for few minutes and then went to Art Of Living Center and had a good evening followed up by lazy night :-)

Okay, nothing more to write, Adios.

Trojan