Last Paper of My First Year

I just finished, yay, yay, yay!!! Okay I am kinda still not able to believe it but actually I did it phew! One more day and then officially I am done with the first year of school of social work at the USC ♥

Trojan

Meeting His Holiness The Dalai Lama

Yesterday I met with His Holiness The Dalai Lama at the USC, and I am still high on that feeling. I was so happy to go kiss his hand, and hug him, and I was one of those lucky ones who got a picture with him yay!

Another high from yesterday was meeting USC's 11th president, C. L. Max Nikias and discussing his trip to India. I think I was very lucky all day yesterday and wow what a beautiful day I had...

And truthfully, I am still high on the meeting with His Holiness The Dalia Lama ♥


Now who would not love this cute little peaceful and such awesome man that just loved wearing USC hat ♥... nd yes that picture was taken by moi :-).

Trojans rock!

Trojan

Dean's recognition dinner

Today Dean Flynn from USC school of social work gave recognition to me as well as few other students who reached to the leadership and academic expectations set by school of social work. I was recognized for my secretary position with International social work caucus and my outreach position with rainbow caucus. It was an emotional yet inspiring time. Sadly, this event was held during the finals otherwise the fun could have continued even after the event was over.

I felt so inspired that I am all set to get my 3.90 and above GPA, and hard work on my leadership so I am able to get some good scholarships and some good money given by school, Amen...so looking forward to start a new year with fun, frolics and a lot of work....It is going to be insanely crazy but 2011-2012 I am ready for you or say i will be ready for you right after summer break lol.

Writing my last finals, love it!

Trojan

Last Day of Classes

Yes, it was my last day of classes for the first year of Grad school in the US. I cant believe that it is all over...wait, I still have couple of final papers to write and one major test to give. I know I am excited and happy just with the idea that the classes are over, yay!!!

It is a major accomplishment for me because I was told many times that I cant do this and when I am done, I just want to look into those people's eyes and say, really, can you please repeat what you said...but the best part is I am not with those people anymore and hopefully I will never ever see them...YES! You mofos and biatches, I will never see you...thank god lol.

No regrets, no sadness, just happiness to achieve what I have achieved and no one is as happy as I am...thank you to my higher power, without you I was lost in the blind love of an addict and violent ass!!!

So with that all said and with that all off my chest, I am back to writing my papers which are due with in few days.

Adios,
Trojan

P.S. I feel I am the true example of empowerment theory lol

Some dates and some updates!

Almost a month is gone by and I haven't written anything here. No specific reason, I wanted to write but just didn't take the first step. Actually I have been feeling weirdly depressed over the weeks so didn't write anything. I use to write a lot when I was sad but now I want to write when I am happy.

Okay so an overview: in last one moth I had spring break that went well resting and relaxing, and left a deep memory for me which will take a long time to get wiped off my heart. Emotional, romantic fool moi :-).

After spring break I got three midterm papers back, two individual and one group. Got a B+ in social welfare group paper and I got so mad that I reworked on the whole paper mostly by myself and resubmitted, now hoping that I get an A+ in that paper. Well, I am sure I will get an A+ for sure. Got an A+ in Human Behavior midterm paper and B+ in practice. I am sad that my professor didnt even explain why I got a B+ instead of an A+ and he wont explain even if I ask...oh well. Now the final is a group paper for practice and i am worried if I will get an A+ or a B+. I am not sure how I am doing in my grades even though I know my all grades...well simple hope that finals wipe off the old parts of midterms. I am feeling bad to go off y record of good grades but not sure how that happen. Maybe I was really depressed.

What else happened? Oh yeah I went to Sacramento for Lobby Days and met with legislators as a team leader. There were six people in my team. I am sure that we did a great job presenting the AB 12, AB 130/131, and AB 671. I joined National Association of Social Workers and guess I will stay member of this until I die lol...not sure though ha ha ha. About the Assembly Bills, check it out: http://www.naswca.org/displaycommon.cfm?an=1&subarticlenbr=114

Another update: hmm what to write, I turned 36 couples of weeks ago. Time seems its not passing by and life seems empty, well signs of depression so I started seeing a therapist and sadly haven't connected with her yet. She seems to be only touching the surface of my emotions and my life...but then I haven't seen her more than twice so cant come to any conclusion, nope not yet!!!

Over the last few weeks I have got determined to move out of my current place to a one bedroom somewhere close to school.

Oh a new update which makes me happy. I got chosen secretary for International Social Work Caucus and an outreach coordinator for Rainbow caucus - very existed and happy moi :-).

Rest I don't remember, will add to a new post when I will remember. Life is good, I am slow but I will catch up.

Trojan!

P.S. His Holiness Dalai Lama is coming to the USC as I previously mentioned and I am excited and eager to meet with him!

3D ME....

I do a lot of work on a regular basis, which I am required to do as a student or as a substance abuse counselor or as a therapist. Then there is a lot that I do on the side, which I am not required to do but I like to do such as volunteering at different agencies I belong to or designing something or the other or help a friend with his/her photo-shoots or teaching Hindi or participate in an inter-faith council or so much of unrelated crap which I enjoy as much as I enjoy my required work.

Often my friends ask me why I do so much when there is always lack of time, and when I am always running late to events and all when I get exhausted doing so much. I didn’t know at one point why do I do what I always did, but recently, I discovered that doing something or the other, which I am not required to do gives me that extra edge which we often see in 3D characters, and that edge is what makes me a real human. To see me as a real human, one probably needs 3D glasses otherwise it will be just a fuzzy Trojan to many!

Trojan!

P.S. - Not to mention when one love multi-tasking, they need to get their sh*t together by managing time, and I am TRYING my best to learn how to do time management... Cant stop being a truthful either :-).

Loss or Lost

Its 1:11 am on Wednesday, and I have a paper due on Thursday at 4:00 pm. I have written only two lines in it which I took off from last paper as it is supposed to be the same population I need to work with. I can concentrate but I am unable to find the rationale behind it. I am not procrastinating but I am kind of lost and confuse on what to write. For the first part I did write an outline but I am still unable to understand the assignment this well that I write it. Either I am losing it or someone making me lose, but at the end its my loss, and I am not sure how to fix this. I am thinking of taking a small walk, come back and go to sleep but then that wouldn't solve any issues as deadline stands still and so is my paper, sigh!

On a completely another note, I went to see my professor today and told him to pull me out of my internship. We discussed issues related to it and tried different solutions but there was no response to it. At the end he told me to not to go to the internship until further notice, and I am not going to go. I am happy that at least I wont be wasting my time, but then I am sad that I wont get the chance to learn anything...well!

Still lost, still on the loss. Hoping the situation changes when I wake up. I am gonna read my book "Half The Sky"

Trojan

An A+ and a B+

I will take it but wish I had both A+. In Human behavior I got an A+ worth staying up night after night and sleeping two to three hours a day. On the other hand I got a B+ in my Practice paper though I did expect an A. I am not pissed because I have yet not seen the graded paper. Overall I slept very little and worked hard and I am happy to get good enough grades, up until now. Will see how it goes until the end. Hoping my higher power is blessing me.

Adios,
Trojan!

Spring break - came and gone

And I am still hoping that I start my assignments which are due in few days, sigh! I enjoyed the relaxation of spring break but now I am back to grind lol. I am glad to be back to school life but there is something like unfinished business which I am waiting to finish but weirdly I am not sure what it is, strange feeling isn't it?

Anyways, I started a writing workshop which is not related to USC and really enjoyed it for couple of Sundays. It is five Sundays workshop so hoping I can create something out of it soon.

I am so bored! My internship sucks and I am not motivated to do anything the day I go there...I hate it at times but unless my professor will take me out, I will have to continue to go there, ah!

Trojan!

Moving on...

I am mentally on spring break, but officially it starts tomorrow right after my Practice class at 4PM :-). I am so excited but worried that I will get lazy :-( Guess I will need to keep myself busy busy busy!!!

But for now I am in my research class, and writing this blog lol. I got my research exam today and got more than what I expected so woohoo...and also got my first assignment back with comment "outstanding" how cool is that lol.

Back to class now!
Trojan

Pre-spring madness

I am relaxed and comfortable today. I finished my last midterm assignment on Monday and handed over to my professor on Tuesday morning. Since that moment, I am on my spring break, well mentally lol.

Today, by mistake my internship got missed, well slept over and then just didnt go...And then went shopping for my birthday with my classmate. We both had an amazing time, and I feel I am already on break haha

Trojan

Exams sucks!

Today I gave my first exam for research, and not sure if it was good or bad, but I know one thing that it is over, rest god and teacher will know the best!

I am so not into the mood to write my paper for practice...

gonna go watch a movie and then will sleep!

Adios,
Trojan

Subjective updates with objective mode!

To start with I am happy that my Social Welfare paper got an A+, how exciting. I feel all the hard work is worth the pain :-).

I have been feeling I don't want to write any more papers, don't want to study for few days and seriously do not want to do any school work but its midterms time so I got no other option but to write and study and do only school work, ugh!

I have an exam tomorrow for Research and I don't like research at this point though I did like it when I started classes. My professor mentioned that every week we will have something or other due, and she was so right. I am getting tired of living deadline after deadline. It is not making me think straight, in fact I am unable to understand many things and just doing because I need to catch up on my deadlines, and because I need to keep my grades up. Truthfully my grades can affected due to not understanding of the subject but since I didn't design the program, I can't compliant.

I know there must be many students who are able to catch up on everything and every deadline with good grades and with great understanding, but most of those students have background in social work studies, I lack that. This makes me sad :-(.

I have a Practice paper due within couples of days and I just got the chance to start it while I was at my Internship. I am loving Practice class this semester, maybe because I have a good professor and possibly because I am able to connect with the professor too. I still have a shortage of time to write the effective paper. Oh and about Internship, its AGAIN not going anywhere...I am so sad and I am so irritated and frustrated and angry and everything at the same time. I don't know how to respond to this issue. I spoke with my field liaison and he assured me to do something about it, he did a little but I am still at standstill :-(

I am glad I am done with midterm for Human Behavior and will have to deal with the presentation and finals in couple weeks so I can avoid that subject until spring break is over...ah, how relieve!

There is always so much to do and not enough time, but I have kind of taken these couple days to rest my head and I know I stressed while resting but its better than stressing while working. I feel I am a little anxious for tomorrow's exam, and a little stressed for next week's research work but I am sure I will do Practice paper with full energy, and will do extraordinary as usual because I am somewhere awesome :-).

Trojan

The Sleep Cycle

Friday - woke up at 7.30 to go to school for my 9am seminar followed by classes, which ended at 4pm. Got home at around 5pm, slept for three hours and started writing my paper for HB until Saturday morning 7am. Woke up at 9.30am and rushed to my Hindi teaching class in Culver city. Came back at around 3pm, went to sleep. Woke up after 3 hours because I was unable to sleep due to stress and day time sounds. Ate stomach full, drank a three shot espresso latte and started writing my paper again. Sunday at around 5am, I gave up and my computer started sounding weird. I was more than half done but still not satisfied. Woke up at around 9am, showered, ate while writing and at around 3pm my eyes start feeling tired but I was done with the paper. I had only three hours before I turn in my paper. I wanted to proof read and cut three pages down out of 16 pages. Took a quick break, ate, washed my face and started reading my paper from the very first sentence. Finally by 5.30 I was there where I was supposed to be, not probably where I should be :-( but I cant expect miracles from me in three nights of paper, that would be simply ridiculous. 5.45pm, I emailed the paper to my professor and before the clock hit 6pm I got the confirmation....

Slept through the night until 3pm on Monday and finally I am feeling I am a little fresh. Still I wish I can get over 2 days of sleep without any disturbance, but that would be a dream since the next paper is due in less than a week and there is a midterm exam for my research class...

Joys of Grad school, and fun of midterms!

Trojan

Deadline-to-Deadline

And I don't like it :( but I am still enjoying learning new things and creating awesome papers. I am sure I will get good grades too. These deadlines are killing me...seriously!

I havent slept well in days and mind is running on either empty energy or on coffee. I am not even a coffee person lol. Anyways, I am off here and back to my paper writing :).

Adios,
Trojan!

Another down!

Okay this is a late entry. I finished one of my many assignments on Tuesday Feb 22, 2011 at 6 am, and the class started at 1Pm. Nope, I didn't skip the class, I slept for few hours, woke up, showered and there...I finished another paper on time or right on time.

It was my first group paper and our group spent on and off around month and half. I wasn't 100% happy with the group paper so after we all edited and finished it in the night at around 1.30 - 2am, I went on my own and re-edited the way I liked to edit and phrase it. And boom, there it was: finished at 6am, with no regrets what-so-ever =).

Yesterday, Wednesday Feb 23, 2011, I finished a homework assignment and I am fully assured that I did most of it wrong, unless some coincidental rights hit my paper lol...I didn't attend my class last Thursday so I hardly knew what I was doing...and research is not my subject, not yet! Anyways, I finished and boom...started another one this morning: Human Behavior Midterm.

As much as I want to hate these deadlines, I know I am not hating these. I like this weird pressure of doing the best in little time frame. It probably produces some chemical in my mind which makes me happy or go-getter kind of person (learning too much about mental health, eh?).

Today, I was somewhere thinking that maybe I am setting myself up for another failure but then when I looked at my grades from last semester and my hard work up until now for this semester, I disagree with this thought or this statement. I am setting myself up for success and nothing else. I will work so damn hard that I get good grades, that I am a successful social worker, that I am in a good relationship, that I am in healthy spirits, that I am a close to perfect successful female who knows that the half sky is mine. Amen!

To success, to happiness :-)
Cheers!

Trojan

Conquered!

About half an hour ago, I finished my first paper of this semester. I was supposed to be in class at this moment but I am so drained and not in the mood to study so I skipped it. And about paper, I finished it just half an hour before my class starts, and obviously paper is due for the same class I skipped :).

I am tired but wired. Coffee and tea has kicked in now...last night my brain got shut at 5 am so went to sleep for couple of hours only to notice that I woke up after four hours, but no biggy...I still finished it on time, and I am kinda happy with the outcome of my paper.

Now, I feel I am part of this semester, I feel I am in, I feel I am able to connect not disconnected. It takes few nighters to realize I say =P

Trojan

Come join in the cause...

People are so damn scared to talk about HIV and AIDS because apparently HIV/AIDS is the result of being gay, of having anal sex and of sexual behaviors so whenever someone talk about HIV virus, much before the talk begins the topic die and peoples’ ears get blocked. Today I want to invite innovative ways to talk about HIV/AIDS. Please think and share how we can spread the awareness and how can we save who are already out there and on the risk of getting HIV virus.

And yeah just FYI, HIV virus spreads through unsafe syringe use, unsafe drug abuse and also unsafe sex…not JUST various sexual behaviors!

Those who want to know what they can do...they can create awareness and spread the word!

Trojan

Flowers Aren't Enough

Today despite of deadlines and assignments, I went to see this play which I planned to watch weeks ago. Its called "Flowers Aren't Enough" - Confronting domestic violence through art. It was presented by visions and voices of USC. I simply loved it, and I cried but the beauty of this play is that it helps you process emotions while you watch, simply a bliss.

I spoke with play's writer, director and solo actress Naomi after. She met with open heart and with love...I felt blessed, and the best is she is open to share script with me so I can use it for my performances in future. She also was open to work together and maybe develop a new script together...how fun :-).

After writing some part of my paper when I was on a roll, and after feeling high on the emotions I felt, shared and experienced during the play...I guess its time to go off to sleep. I have an internship day tomorrow...I hope I get 4 hours of sleep tonight!

Adios,
Trojan

A Rant

Rants are easy but they provoke my thoughts. I have a paper due in literally two days. Today is 2 am of Tuesday and I have to submit my paper on Thursday by afternoon, and in between i have full day of classes tomorrow, play in the evening, and internship on Wednesday. I am able to concentrate on it but I feel my knowledge is limited on the subject I have picked. I have researched a lot on it and have an idea of what I want to do but for some reason I am not able to put the thoughts on paper as directly as I feel I can think...weird situation but guess the stress hasn't kicked in yet. Maybe because this is not a graded paper but I have to submit a draft before hand so teacher can comment and I will make changes for final draft.

Only I can help myself and for that dear god, show me the path!

Trojan

All School Day

It was today. I really enjoyed and learnt some new stuff from those who fought for human equality. I sometimes try to find my place in all this, and sometimes I feel we are not respecting and taking advantage of what our elders did for us...

Meeting some real time freedom riders from 1961 freedom ride was a great time and hoping to get some enthusiasm and compassion from them to serve the human kind I belong to.

I didn't like the attitude of one of the main freedom rider but then its my choice how I take others words and others actions, its on me not on others. I do wish people notice the humanity on those big shots first before they say that these people have done something real big. I believe that change starts from within and first person to change is YOU, not the world. I trust that if everyone will fix their own family issues the world will be a beautiful place. I do wish as a human we are able to look at yourself first before pointing fingers on others.

I know the world is all the time ga ga ga ga about Gandhi. I respect him and his philosophy of nonviolence, but my issue has always been his own character. he use to hit his wife, he never cared for his alcoholic son, he never gave in for his family but he was the father to the nation... Just ranting I guess!

We also saw a documentary on freedom riders' struggle from 1961 and the era...I was really impressed. I wish I can make documentaries like that; strong and to the point!

Trojan

P.S. - I always feel guilty of not able to change my family first before studying to be a social worker for others' families...I do want to change and bring awareness to my parents, siblings, their partners and kids, I wish someone can teach me how to be a social worker for my own family. I can only wish to get the strength to be the pillar for them, when they need me, when they want me! Amen!

The lack of social action and justice - when will it stop!

Life hasn't stop though my writing here have slowed down. I have a lot to write but I am not sure if I can explain all that in one post...

For now, I am here to share an emotion. I am currently working on my social welfare paper. As part of my paper, I am doing a research on Mayor of LA and some other politicians' work on social issues and social justice. As I move further in my research, I notice they have worked towards a lot of issues related to people of Los Angeles. They have gone ahead towards justice and towards growth and have worked on gang reduction, housing, job market, education, health and what not...sadly most of them have not even uttered a word about homelessness or substance abuse related issues in LA...

And the more I find out about the lack of services, lack of awareness and barely available funding for these issues, the more furious I get. I don't know how to explain this emotion but its just annoying feeling when most of us know homelessness and substance addiction is a huge issues and there is a huge need of awareness and services related to this social issue. Sadly, people of Los Angeles, their lives and the value of their presence is keep getting weaker and weaker in the eyes of those who are working towards vote counts...

I can just do what is in my reach, and I can just pray for social action and social justice. Hope these prays will get answered one day, Amen!

Trojan

Empty mind is devil's workshop

My roommate made this video:

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/11071823/

Dreaming...

This Trojan is a social worker in making but still dreams, dreams of those days when she is doing nothing but community theater to bring change in the world of oppressed...

Dreams:

"HazaaroN KHwahishaiN 'eisee ke har KHwahish pe dam nikle
      bohot  nikle  mere  armaaN  lekin  phir  bhee  kam  nikle"

A lose translation:

Thousands of dreams and I die for each one...
I sigh many a times but the dreams keep growing...

Trojan version:

Thousands of dreams to die for, and hundred thousands to live with!

Trojan

Randomness...

~ Today my facebook status says: the weekend is gone, and the assignments are still hanging on my head, sigh!

~ The journey is on, and I am off my emotions when it comes to taking this journey with full enthusiasm, and somewhere I know why!

~ I started this semester four weeks ago, and getting into the semester seems a little hard but good news is that I am getting there this week. I have assignments hanging on my head and I am stressed but I am more stressed about my life, family and external issues which does matter in my Trojan Journey but they shouldnt effect anything, especially now on!

~ I read some articles about hypnosis this weekend. These topics arent needed for my school but I thought they are interesting interventions especially when it comes to issues related to PTSD. And to my surprise I am glad I read these, now I might use these interventions for one of my assignments.

~ I was so looking forward to go to India this summer with my school under global immersion program, but the program has canceled. I guess its not in my destiny to go to India this year, maybe, hopefully, next year after I Graduate.

~ Crying is a bliss at times, but the migraine which follows that is not good, not at all good!

~ Life: more to come and more to go...life moves on!

Trojan

...........................

Writing is healing to me for years. I feel like writing today. No, I am not sulking but just felt like writing...

So what should I write? About weirdest dreams I am having or should I start ranting about my roommate or the healthy food I am cooking and eating, and not to mention I am trying my best to eat regularly...oh there is a lot going on and somewhere noting going on either...

Okay I am bored writing, later I say!

Trojan

Human Trafficking AKA Forced Labor

Today I attended one of the best trainings I ever had. The topic was "Human Trafficking and Modern-Day Slavery: Tools for a Practical Response." This is that topic which is been keeping me on my toes since December 2009 when I went for a training on Domestic Violence. Today I learnt legal aspects related to Human Trafficking and also how law enforcement is involved in saving and protecting victims and survivors.

I have a lot on my mind about this topic and lost as well so I am not able to write well either lol. I guess I will have to write back again on it...but lord know when and how!

On the other hand, I am so drained and sleepy because my roommate decided to throw a party at home when I have a lot of studies to do, when I have project to finish. Oh I hate it when people say "I want to have a study pad, after all we are in Graduate school" and every now and then he has visitors who are loud and every now and then he is inviting people over to drink, eat and play video games, and worse throw drinking parties to girls who are freakingly loud and guys who are drooling over those girls:-(. Sad! I can just hope that I am able to finish my project on time and able to perform well.

Trojan